Skip to main content

27 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Perimenopause

This is a list of 27 things I wish I’d known before perimenopause hit. Or at least had gotten a

heads up on a lot sooner in life. They range from practical knowledge that we should all know

about our bodies and don’t. To things that led to greater happiness, even better sex.

Sometimes I get angry at the things that should just be common knowledge but still aren’t.

Mostly I look at this list and feel gratitude for how far I’ve come. With a side of ‘what if I had

known these things sooner?’. Here’s the list:

  1. How my menstrual cycle works.

Not just how the hormones change to enable and support a pregnancy, but the symptoms

fluctuating hormones can cause and why.

  1. Really painful PMS and bothersome period symptoms are not normal.

I had extreme pain and mood swings that I just learned to live with. I have a friend who’s

bleeding was so heavy, her periods would require her to change her plans. We just thought

that’s how it is. This is not okay. Basic knowledge about reproductive health problems and their

solutions should be universal. After decades of period misery, an IUD that releases progestin

was life changing for my friend. It took me 37 years to learn that I may have PMDD. All of us

deserve better.

  1. The definition of perimenopause.

Seriously. Had no idea this was a thing until well into my 40s.

  1. Perimenopause can start as early as age 35.

Yes, 35.

  1. The number of symptoms that can happen in perimenopause.

And a warning about just how intense these symptoms can be. Yikes.

  1. Your doctor may not know about perimenopause and treatment options.

When I finally figured out what the hell was going on with my body, it took a very long time to

find a medical provider who could help me with my perimenopausal symptoms.

  1. Most women suffer from perimenopausal symptoms that need and

deserve solutions.

If anyone says you just need to better manage your stress, or that you just need to grin and

bear it, tell them to (insert your favorite expletive here).

  1. Night waking can be caused by hormone fluctuations and is very

common in perimenopause.

Turns out it wasn’t because I couldn’t handle the stress of the life I had created.

  1. Hot flashes and irregular periods are not necessary to diagnose


One more time, because you may regularly get dismissed if you don’t have these symptoms: hot

flashes and irregular periods are not necessary to diagnose perimenopause.

  1. No one is coming to explain the menopause experience.

There is no simple test to diagnose what stage you are in or determine what might be the best

solutions for your symptoms. Most medical providers don’t have the training and/or the time to

provide you with the information you need. Each of us has to become informed and start asking

for the care we deserve.

  1. The factual pros and cons of hormone therapy.

This is a complex and confusing topic that all women should understand. Check out these resources to get the facts you need about hormone therapy.

  1. The importance of diet, exercise, and lifestyle.

When it comes to managing menopausal symptoms, there is no magic bullet. And we often

underestimate the impact diet, lifestyle, and exercise have on our well-being and our

menopausal symptoms. In fact when it comes to aging, ‘muscle is medicine’. ‘There is no

medication that can outperform compared to muscle mass.’

These next 15 things are lessons I had to live before I could learn them.

And they are all things I will need to keep learning. Would it have been good to know these

things before the really intense perimenopausal changes kicked in? Yes. And I sometimes think

of the time I could have saved and the pain I could have avoided if I had known these things

sooner. But then I realize that the lost time and the pain have enabled me to grow. So maybe

just a heads up on these sometime before my shit went sideways would have been helpful.

  1. How to set and hold healthy boundaries.

  2. The power of gratitude.

  3. The only standards I should be living up to are the ones that I believe to

be important.

  1. Life is not supposed to be easy and smooth; the gold is in the mess.

  2. I am not my job.

I have to repeat this one a lot: I am not my job.

  1. Anxiety isn’t something to be cured.

It’s to be understood and managed.

  1. Time management is about choices.

Not about doing everything everyone else thinks you’re supposed to be doing.

  1. The importance of down time and being kind to myself.

Hard. So really f’ing hard.

  1. When I am myself, my weird and wonderful self, shit gets done.

  2. I had inhibitions when it came to sex that were depriving me of


Pleasure is important. And many of us are no longer experiencing sexual pleasure. Some of us

never really have. Here are some thoughts on why this happens.

  1. Tough conversations and vulnerability are powerful aphrodisiacs.

  2. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s actually a strength.

  3. Good friends become increasingly important as life gets more


  1. A perfectly kept house is a waste of time and money.

  2. Menopause isn’t an end. It’s just the beginning.

I needed help to understand this last one. And I had to learn a lot before I could ask for the help

that I needed. It also took a lot of searching and asking to get that help. But I persevered and it

made a world of difference.

I used to think that all of my big accomplishments in life would happen before menopause. That

the majority of my contributions to this world would be wrapped and delivered by this time. Turns

out, I’m just getting started. And I can’t wait for this next chapter. And my final menstrual period,

in case anyone is wondering;).